Black Friday is this week – what better way to follow up our national day of gluttony than with some voracious spending?
The dark architects of the American dream insist that we get fat and then shop like we’re rich, and Black Friday allows us to find release in retail.
And it seems we feel the need to throw down the dollar now more than ever.
For those who are braving the crowds for the promise of a deal, be careful out there.
As The Post reported, “Between 2006 and 2018, 44 Black Friday incidents in America left 11 dead and 109 injured — including a man who brought home a shattered hip after driving into a gift rack low”.
Yes. Cutthroat for the cut rate.
The History of Black Friday
The history of Black Friday is, surprisingly, somewhat grim. In the 1950s, Philadelphia police coined the term to describe the post-Thanksgiving chaos that occurred in the city as tourists and out-of-town shoppers sought deals between the annual Army-Navy football game.
Officers were assigned to work extra long shifts to combat the onslaught of traffic and support the need for crowd control. The retail hysteria prompted shoplifters to make off with unattended loot, adding to the chaos.
In the 1980s, retailers renamed Black Friday to promote discount shopping, capitalizing on the moment stores went from “red to black” in terms of profit and loss.
To help you find the deal that matches your sign, here’s a curated list of how your zodiac sign will be spending — and spending — on Black Friday.
As a sign of power and plunder, Aries people get big discounts and impulse buys. This guy likes to shop and return, enjoying the dark thrill of arguing with a salesperson about their lack of billing.
You see, Aries doesn’t want to consume as much as it WINS. This is the kind of psychotherapy that will get you out of the way to get the iPad, electric drill, or flame tiles that their anxious hearts are looking for.
The best/worst thing that ever happened to Taurus is online shopping, armed with no pants and a credit card, holy be your hoarding.
With comfort and a dizzying dose of a discount, Demi is shopping for sex toys, bulk food, yoga mats, ceramic Tupperware, Edison bulbs and linen sheets.
Uncommitted and restless, Gemini loves to window shop, stroll through the sales, smell the soft pretzels frying in the food court, and observe the social experiment offered by the shopping experience.
On Black Friday, Gemini people are stocking up on stationery, costume jewelry, magazine subscriptions, and those weird coffee substitutes that promise a smooth bloom and taste like a mushroom fart.
As the sign of the front of the house and home, whose safe word is codependency, Cancer wants to buy things that it can nestle into.
Think faux fur pillows, an old teapot, velvet coasters, a weighted blanket, a pie pan, string lights, an Instant Pot and a surround sound system belting out the immersive echo of crashing waves and mating orcas.
Leo tries to channel his accumulated resources into buying gifts for others, but instead comes home with a pair of hot pink trainers, high-end hair productsts, a Groupon for a nude photo shoot and a leather, suede or theme item that will serve as an impetus for a themed party they’re hosting.
Virgo feels superior about not indulging/engaging in the capitalist frenzy of Black Friday, openly criticizing the quality of mass-produced goods and the people who buy them.
On Small Business Saturday, they will carefully and ethically select heirloom seeds and experimental supplements for themselves and self-help books for everyone on their shopping list.
Libra buys things that aren’t for sale because they’re unrepentant (they count Gwyneth Paltrow in their ranks) and think of debt as proof of great taste.
They know quality when they see it – and a sign when they meet one. On Black Friday, they’re splurging on silk pajama sets, La Mer products, p**sy candles and a framed smart TV to display the art they can’t afford but want to impress others with their knowledge of theirs.
Scorpio buys as if they plot and die – alone.
More online than in person, this lookalike is following the proverbial paths of underwear, surveillance equipment, chandeliers, tourmaline for their friends, studded collars for their acquaintances, and always something asymmetrical, black and/or heavy for themselves.
Unless Sagittarius hasn’t spent their meager savings on buying a round at a stranger’s bar or betting on the Detroit Lions (resident optimists), on Black Friday, they’re throwing down cheap plane tickets, draws on desert, bad tattoos, beans. bags and hula hoops.
If Thursday went sideways, they’ll sign up for free online therapy, hit their friends for Adderall, and adopt a pet, they’ll eventually give up on their parents.
As a sign of having it and making it last, Capricorn doesn’t spend blatantly, but goes hard for luxury. They’re throwing down dollars for rare vinyl, something monogrammed, bronze statues, and an ancestry/DNA testing kit.
On Black Friday, you’ll find Aquarius in recovery after having to break bread with the Norms/Muggles in their family, secretly pleased to know that Black Friday is for the slobs and Cyber Monday, with the prices its sitting and durability at a distance. it’s where the future of savings lives.
Overwhelmed by the crush of crowds and the heady smell of pine and purchasing power, Pisces gets lost in the mall and is later found dead-eyed, clutching a must-go Mai Tai from TGI Fridays and a bag full of slippers. dark and cloudy. , bath products and macramé mushrooms.
Astrology 101: Your Guide to the Star
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and reports irreverently on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.
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Image Source : nypost.com